How to Bargain to Win and Still Be Friends

Without pursuing the Harvard Negotiating Project, how might you viably deal to get what you need?

Let’s be honest: Each of us haggles each day. At work, we talk about extra remuneration when we’re elevated to another position. We plan a get-away or a move. We haggle with our companion over what’s for supper and which TV shows to watch. We haggle a wide range of things, of all shapes and sizes, consistently.

Exchange is a methods for getting what you need from others. It comprises of to and fro conversations intended to agree with another gathering whenever you face normal and contradicting interests. Yet, some of the time varying interests can make the conversation lurch off course into a contention. In any event, when you agree, the relationship might be hurt.

Positional Bargaining

Regularly, when individuals deal, they become dug in their positions. They attempt to arrive at a trade off that is just about as close as conceivable to their unique objective. This implies bartering in a give-and-take style.

The issue with this cycle, known as “positional haggling,” is basic: Once you take a position, you lock yourself into it. The more you guard it, the more dedicated you become to it. A few group attempt to utilize delicate bartering, with an accentuation on safeguarding the relationship. This works-except if the other party is a hard bargainer.

An Alternative Process

There’s an option in contrast to hard or delicate haggling: Change the game completely. In view of the Harvard Negotiation Project, this technique depicted in the book Getting to Yes: Negotiating Agreement Without Giving In by Roger Fisher, William Ury and Bruce Patton-is called principled exchange, or arrangement on the benefits.

Principled exchange includes discovering approaches to meet the essential interests of the two individuals, looking for commonly fulfilling alternatives. The two sides try not to delve in their heels. They separate their characters and their inner selves from the current issue. They bargain straightforwardly, compassionately and deferentially with one another. Their objective: to arrive at a commonly helpful result.

Four Elements to Principled Negotiation

There are four zones to consider in principled exchange:

1. Individuals: Separate individuals from the issue.

2. Interests: Focus on interests, not positions.

3. Choices: Generate an assortment of conceivable outcomes prior to choosing what to do

4. Measures: Insist on an outcome dependent on a target standard

The cycle can be separated into three stages:


During the examination stage, you accumulate data, sort out it and consider the big picture. You should recognize the result (essential need or need) you wish to accomplish. You’ll need to think about any individuals issues, hardliner discernments and muddled interchanges as you recognize others’ requirements.


Manage the four components of principled exchange during the arranging stage as you create thoughts and choose what to do. Think about these inquiries:

1. How might you deal with individuals issues?

2. Of your inclinations, which are the most significant?

3. What are some reasonable destinations?

4. What are some extra choices?

5. What models will be utilized in dynamic?


During the conversation stage, the two players look at contrasts in insight, sensations of dissatisfaction and different variables. Each side should come to comprehend different’s inclinations, which permits you to arrive at a joint choice without the significant expenses of positional haggling.

With principled exchange, you’ll appreciate the fulfillment that goes with getting what you merit while keeping up certain connections during the haggling interaction.

Arranging: Deal with the four components of principled exchange during the arranging stage as you create thoughts and choose what to do. Think about these inquiries:

6. How might you deal with individuals issues?

7. Of your inclinations, which are the most significant?

8. What are some sensible goals?

9. What are some extra choices?

10. What standards will be utilized in dynamic?